slip slide away

the city was brought to me, long before i was ready to come to it..


oh blast!
five weeks were waining and widdling their way on down to nothing,
and the rain came
and the fierce winds
one monday in the Grace Garden,
i curled myself into three tight balls,
while i kept on thinning and tucking and propping up and tearing down,
and the buckets of water washed over me, through me.
then came david's technique of saying,
"i'm so warm, and the sun is soooooo hot today."
over and over, while standing still and breath,
face up to the downpour...
this actually works for a while.
i look up to see a break in the clouds
down to gather the energy of the earth into me

i'm getting itchy because
i know the end is near
there is so much to be done still
i'm not sure if i can leave...
but twilight beckons every day forword
and people start asking me,
"so when do you go back to work?"
and then it hits me hard.
i can't breath from the sheer weight of those words

i am drowning

drowning in the salt pool behind the cabana
drowning in the water thats emerges every day on the hottub cover
drowning from the words stuck in my throat before goodbyes
drowning at Baby Beach, and Little Beach, and the waterfall pool's edge
where the baby fishes swarm hungrily around my feet

drowning at the bonfire in the rain
a last hoorah that lasted only moments
drowning in memories and fruit
freshly fallen and dripping down my chin
drowning in long sweaty walks, jackfruit tree sap,
sunday brunch coffee
until only a day or so remained

and then
the city came to me
it called out from the driveway
across the footbridge on our little lagoon
came bearing beer, chips, and glassed in salsa
came ripping and roaring into my peace of mind
to remind me of where i was headed.

the jungle raged on with its calm,
but a spell broke over me,
and everything snowballed from there until

after every good deed was appreciated
every heart was held in my hands for at least one moment more
every precious hug could be gathered
from every well wisher's arms
every tiny private twinkling could be seen in
every countryman & woman's eyes
every smoothy filled morning could be eked out
after every demon had been expelled
and every lung-filled breath could be taken
of all the glorious scents which abound there

only then could i pack my belongings
linger in my farming family's precense just long enough for them to sense that i was really there
tell princess i liked her afterall
deliver all my undelivered mail
jump in the white kinght's truck
and ride off into the sunset
slip sliding away to the gray reality of my world


i took the redeye to los angeles
where the darkness still reigned and the air smelled of exhuast fumes and ignorance
of a life better spent
then on to Oak-town
where Tarek awaited with hands held wide

the lei that Mohini gave to me still sang its blessing lullaby in my ear
and i tried to smell still
the farm in the forest lava jungle of my dreams
where i lived bare-footed and proud
unbeleivably alive and assured
of the good in the world

the dirt rooted deep in my heels
reminds me of my destiny
even though for now
they will not see the light of day

in the jungle

in the jungle
we sing songs to the earth through our hands
we make time an imaginary quest of faith
we dedicate our hearts and minds to knowledge & fortitude
in the jungle the very ground we walk on & cultivate is sacred

in the jungle
children and adults run naked on the hillside
dance to the beat of their own mysric drummer
walk with their heads high and their faces beaming
in the jungle the beast of our burdens is laid to rest

in the jungle
we impart voices to our inner wondering's prayer of eternal question
we don't deny the right of other souls searching along our path
we live most for this moment and sometimes, alittle, for the next
in the jungle we have the ability to see ourselves for the first time

in the jungle
the wild chickens are calling.. at the sunrise, the sunset, and oh
is it midnight already?
the dogs aren't all friendly but you call still see their tails wagging, just a bit
the toads tempt fate by bravely standing just in front of your falling feet
in the jungle there really are mermaids

in the jungle
our work is our prayer
our food our salvation
our manifestation, reality
in the jungle there is no other word than bliss

in the jungle
we watch the days pass like weeks
if you blink, the weeks are gone
and all you have left is luscious memory
in the jungle you can get lost in the labrynth of time

in the jungle
my name changed over night
in a carride with the cia
and i have swam with shiva
in the jungle you never know who'll you meet

in the jungle
there is not a guidebook, but you will have many guides
there is not always a toilet, or a computer, a camera, your identification, a pair of shoes, or a television... but do you really need them anyway?
because
in the jungle,
the whole earth is your playground,
your temple,
your lover,
your friend...
the earth is your provider, your convenience store, your earth, your neighbor, your community...
in the jungle
you have all you need.

no pictures, cuz the universe stole my camera & gave me the moon in return

Hale Akua's Door of Faith

coming to Hale Akua in total darkness is a surreal trip
the little red van chug chugs on the Hana highway
from Kahului past Pai'a

Past the famous Jaws just out from Ho'okipa
where surfers, swimmers, windriders and paddlers all delight to the random planning of the tides

Past the artificially lit cemetary which has only bunches of flowers sprouting from a green/brown lawnscape

Past the turnoff to Makawao, a little town up toward Haleakala the mouth of a dormant (?) volcano which can alternately feel like the moon, or antarctica, or the Peruvian Andes, outer Mongolia, or the road to Mordor...

Past twin falls, a "private keep out!" property where no one keeps out, with two swimmin holes formed at the bottom of a nice waterfall in a not drought year, which this isn't, whereyou can still jump from rocks or off the giant rope swing off the roots of a mamouth Banyon tree, into a fairly clear and mild mountain water pool...

Past the electrical box with a sunrise, or is it sunset?, painted as graffiti decor. Past too the graffiti'd eletrical shed on a mini cow pasture above the sea, with some crazy goblin theme..

Past the forest green bus stop, where no bus will ever come, turning left onto the Door of Faith road to pass a mile or so of odd little houses and a few churches, some backwoods downhome boys, their dogs and shenanigans, the beginning of the jungle, and "AG" land that makes my heart sing...

Turning right where it says "Quiet Please! Children!" into the drives by the Ohana and Grace and Oloha gardens..

Into the House of the Divine... as in Goddess.. as in Tantric.. as in mystical.. as in sacred space..


For those who can't follow, trust me, the pied piper lives there, with the doves, and the owls, the spiders, and the croaking toads... He can show you the way, but you must have no fear.

At first, perhaps i did not believe in the magic i was about to encounter: Maui's perceptive force, and the power of collective thought, homegrown food, quantitaive reasoning , and boldfaced intuition, in a community of souls combined and trusting and willing and open...
Where you can say it, think it, and how it surely will manifest..
Where you breath your belly fire into it, and how Dear GOD! the coals spark to life...
Were everything which falls from heaven is a joyful & sensual experience, given to you, blessing you with its warmth, its radiance, and its lifeforce.
Is life really this perfect?

Well no, in fact there are aspects to this place that smack of ignorance and hatred, desperation & greed, poverty & polarization... and yet,
perhaps because we are here, we are sheltered by love & appreciation.
because we are here, we have the cushion of the sea and the grounding force of the lava rock & rich clay soil. because we are here, we are buffered by the light, goodness, truth, and lessons which are so grand and so empowering that we may only be able to bow our heads for the sake of such Grace.
One of my favorite moments so far was arriving here in the darkness, and stumbling into the light. Three weeks in, i have lost many tangible things, but i have gained so much more:
Sunset swimming on Little Beach with the drum circle pounding to the firedancer's prose.
Bonfires with fireworks, fairy tales, shooting stars, full moon monsoons, and three grilled whole fish from paradise with Tiawanese concubines & my Zibbook.

Hidden beaches, jumping rocks, green sea turtles, black rock, red sands, green canopies, mountain tundra fog, dragonfruit, lili'qoi, fresh basil pesto, borage flowers, strawberry gauva, the drunken mango forest, kangaroo mice in the compost, and a million other tiny little nuances that give this place the wonder and beauty it is known for.
i am a farmer again.
i am a daughter of this universe.
i am a worshiper of God's majesty.
i am a beloved wife(for sure now,thank's to Maui's magic)
i am strong and committed and utterly devoted
to life, to love, to spirit.
To Maui.
To me.

Semi-finished work of last semester

Greed got me feeling indestructible,
Oli would smirk that the Kiln god's weren't smiling that day
and yet all involved deemed it blessing anyway...
my broken hand lies now amidst the shrapnel
of an exploded spire by my neighboring colleague.
thus i learned how letting go matters
and to see beauty in such frailty.
a lesson. as is this piece's reason to be..





my musty friend sits idly by near the fireplace floor,
still awaiting the day i muster my strength to grind down those antlers
and give him a fit..
but he is cute in his velvety purple and stunted sort of way.
The glazing was exquisite, so who could ask for more?



and oh day of days, Raku Day!
it is the immediacy and utter faith
involved in such an undertaking that makes one's heart race and mouth water..
to get just one gem out of the quick fire
and shock spray after combustion,
well that's what dreams are made of.
white marshmellow doggy bowl dreams too.

yosemighty 2

this one worked wonders
deep down in the heart of soul
water winding & caressing
the bits of whirlwind girl
i found lounging in
mountain fed pools
fit for sliding and dousing
with the sun to wash away the chill
then to chill with the tops down
all around nature triumphing
man's bitter greed & assumption
that we are the best, the strongest,
most powerfull owner and usurper of
nature's mysteries


trees spilled high to the heavens
our gaze ever upward toward towering canopies
of light and photosynthetic beauty
this is what trees are meant to be,
giants sopped in snowmelt moisture
dwarfing our itty bitty selves to the point of hilarity

gained new perspectives on seeing the natural world
developed into blooming chasms of metamorphic possibilities
thanks to ishmael & the story of be,
and my creeping urges to become part of wildlife again

knowing i must walk the line between this reality and that surreal history of mankind
must stay focused on the present and not fixate on the lost past
but in this vivid forest of water, rock, and life
as the river rushes by me
i find peace unfound before

time for change

always.

cyclical, and ever rolling... life runs forward and falls back, folds over and lies still only enough to catch my breath.
it's playing catch up all the time, and whining while i get in line for another slap.
but then whilst i'm standing i look down to the earth, and plead, "earth, ground me and let me feel the pulse of the planet's inner workings!" I look up to the heavens and think, "God lift me up! Let the universe embrace one scrap of my integrity and keep it whole somewhere safe and sound!"
Then i look out from a a cash register and steady myself while i don one more illedged smile and waste just a little more of my precious time.
The mirror only shows me things i hope to forget, and once in a great while the shadow of that girl i used to know... or thought i did.
My plants are hating me, as they should be.. for my lack of compassion and my lost agendas.
I can only laugh and dream some more of a return to what fills me up and keeps me sane. A natural world in which i can easily lead the life which could have always been mine, if not for my sheer lack of conviction and fear of falling without the net.

BODEGA

Bodega bay travel
for spring break respite
out of city
into higher minded retreat
bleeding out the whole time
all my worries and woes
feeling refreshed for the love of nature and
my many feathered friends
who fly above and around me
keep me from feeling ever alone

and my longtime lover silently sympathizing
with my need to fill ecology's notebook
with every speck of god's great work i could find
document, document, document...
and never lose the need to wonder at the earth's many mysteries and magic moments.

Hwy 1 brought us back to reality slowly, through winding hills,
pastures filled with all the flock, sheepies, llamas, bovines, & horsies
wetlands, sea lions close enough to swim to, and outstanding seaside driving...
The reason to live in California, as far as i am concerned.

(We ate fresh caught crab stuffed into a melodious mushroom's cap,
WILD fennel salad which the chef found whilst jogging, local little lamb, and seafood cioppino to die for.... in all, delightful and filled to the brim with thoughful fare... kudos to the Duck Club!
Kudos too, to the whole crew at the Bodega Bay Resort & Spa, who upgraded our lowly selves to the best king suite, complete with view that knocked us off our feet. Cheers!)