trying and failing for positive reinforcement weighing heavily on mind
this need to regroup and refocus
but to be touched and to communicate my femininity
watching the moon as it slowly turns to full
faces me from these windy empty skies where i am staring in wonderment
at the abandoned reality i once held so dear
from my treepost i sit ready to attack my aggression
and tackle my fits of needy time
i try and fail again to read the book he blessed me with
and swim the laps i promised myself
instead i sink thru the quicksand of denial and depression
call out to any passersby to save me from my own exhausted wandering
wondering still where i am and how i got here
too tired really to go out looking for anything else
too scared to really face that empty bed and go it alone
too aware of my own ineffective transparency
too thin-skinned and beguiled by the light of day
far too long having eaten and bathed with only his blessing
feeling shell-shocked and worn down no good to no one anymore...
but praying still that i can be good for myself
