Tuesday, August 05, 2008

slip slide away

the city was brought to me, long before i was ready to come to it..

oh blast!
five weeks were waining and widdling their way on down to nothing,
and the rain came
and the fierce winds
one monday in the Grace Garden,
i curled myself into three tight balls,
while i kept on thinning and tucking and propping up and tearing down,
and the buckets of water washed over me, through me.
then came david's technique of saying,
"i'm so warm, and the sun is soooooo hot today."
over and over, while standing still and breath,
face up to the downpour...
this actually works for a while.
i look up to see a break in the clouds
down to gather the energy of the earth into me

i'm getting itchy because
i know the end is near
there is so much to be done still
i'm not sure if i can leave...
but twilight beckons every day forword
and people start asking me,
"so when do you go back to work?"
and then it hits me hard.
i can't breath from the sheer weight of those words

i am drowning

drowning in the salt pool behind the cabana
drowning in the water thats emerges every day on the hottub cover
drowning from the words stuck in my throat before goodbyes
drowning at Baby Beach, and Little Beach, and the waterfall pool's edge
where the baby fishes swarm hungrily around my feet

drowning at the bonfire in the rain
a last hoorah that lasted only moments
drowning in memories and fruit
freshly fallen and dripping down my chin
drowning in long sweaty walks, jackfruit tree sap,
sunday brunch coffee
until only a day or so remained

and then
the city came to me
it called out from the driveway
across the footbridge on our little lagoon
came bearing beer, chips, and glassed in salsa
came ripping and roaring into my peace of mind
to remind me of where i was headed.

the jungle raged on with its calm,
but a spell broke over me,
and everything snowballed from there until

after every good deed was appreciated
every heart was held in my hands for at least one moment more
every precious hug could be gathered
from every well wisher's arms
every tiny private twinkling could be seen in
every countryman & woman's eyes
every smoothy filled morning could be eked out
after every demon had been expelled
and every lung-filled breath could be taken
of all the glorious scents which abound there

only then could i pack my belongings
linger in my farming family's precense just long enough for them to sense that i was really there
tell princess i liked her afterall
deliver all my undelivered mail
jump in the white kinght's truck
and ride off into the sunset
slip sliding away to the gray reality of my world

i took the redeye to los angeles
where the darkness still reigned and the air smelled of exhuast fumes and ignorance
of a life better spent
then on to Oak-town
where Tarek awaited with hands held wide

the lei that Mohini gave to me still sang its blessing lullaby in my ear
and i tried to smell still
the farm in the forest lava jungle of my dreams
where i lived bare-footed and proud
unbeleivably alive and assured
of the good in the world

the dirt rooted deep in my heels
reminds me of my destiny
even though for now
they will not see the light of day