Sunday, December 21, 2008

winter is afoot; on the solstace

animals at cal academy of sciences:

my mind is playing treacherous games with my heart.
i hear distant voices calling me to come out and play,
and yet my feet are cemented into immobility.
the flourishing of my senses is overshadowed by the despair of my inner destiny.
but winter brings on renewal, rebirth, frigidity moving toward fluidity... in essense: change.
and i will emerge resilient, because my longings are so abundant and my heart is still a few sizes too big... for my life at present.
silently i position myself for transition.
and the memories and moods of all years previous are flooding me, until i think that i will drown,
but i know that, in the words of the most modest of mouses, i will float on.
in honor of the winter solstace,
i try to focus on the artistic majesty of the world around me,
from the inner workings of nature to the endeavors of bare hands with mixed mediums and time;
feeding my soul forever and ever and ever.

the murals of the mission:

Friday, November 28, 2008

new unfinished works of 2008

Yea, that's right, they're hilarious abstractions from my thoughts that somehow lend themselves to the clay..
i am an abstraction to myself, that somehow lends my mind toward strangled orifices,gagged reflexes, oceans of lacey scaling, screws to the head, broken wings, bleeched coral death and sagging pufferfish..

all on this random idea called "commitment" or "committed", not sure which is the more appealing.
this is probably why i have few friends who can stand me for more than five minutes.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Greeniest

Some may already know about my love affair with the Green Festival here in San Francisco, so it will not be shocking if i write another update on the state of green affairs and the rejuvenation i experienced being among my fellow humans who care and stand up for those things they cherish.

Again, missing Friday, i found my merry way via bicycle thru the streets of SF on the morning of what was to become a very hot Saturday. Just in case we were about to forget that global warming is happening... along comes a November day in the 80's to remind us.
Arriving to check in with the volunteer side of GF, i was immediately aware of my calm and premonition toward the betterment of humanity which was taking place. The various vendors were beginning their day, prepared for the onslaught of festival goers that was about to file in. I got my coffee, surprised to find they were using a Starbucks, supposedly fairtrade style, but would not pass up the free caffiene fix, nor chastise the ones responsible for our being there to experience this. I set out to help the Green Team out back by sorting the beginning of the day's garbage, in hopes of helping them create only 1% landfill waste for the whole event. I am doubtful now whether this was actually acheived, or if they fell short of their expectations for making the least waste possible. Regardless, last year's astounding 2% landfill waste is reason enough to be proud, and i was humbled as always by the chance to witness our frailties as a people so close at hand.
After 4 1/2 hours of sorting, i had to call it quits, since it really was hot out there, and i was so excited about what lie inside the Concourse doors. Note to self: Eat first! No one should stand outside in the heat sorting garbage on an empty stomach for that long! But i digress, I got inside just in time to enjoy a great veggie lunch from the ASIAN stand i often frequent at festivals. I love them the most for their utterly reliable and yummy sustainance, their mango lassis, and because they usually give out returnable & washable dinnerware instead of disposable. But of all the atrosities, they were denied the right to do so this year due to health code violations or some such nonesense. Argh! Thank you very much city of San Francisco!
Regardless, i took in the sights and sounds of the event over my fine faire, and was lucky to be on hand when Jahi (myspace/hotbutterflows) & Abba Yahudah were performing on the music stage. I loves me some solid hip hop and old-school raggae! I got over to Mark Shapira talk on The Toxic Chemistry of Everyday Products, and was disgusted to hear more about how our government has not demanded the same stringent rules for household and personal care products that they do in the EU; and of course, this is mostly due to our lack of a universal healthcare system, which would ensure our national interest in keeping the citizens healthy and the healthcare costs down. It is all cyclical, and we must pressure our representatives in Washington toward making sure our health comes first on EVERY level. He brought up the WTO protests in Seattle of '99, which i was lucky enough and/or cursed enough to be a part of... knowing then what i know now about our planet's health and our government's attrocities, as well as those of giant corporations & the IMF/World Bank, well.. i would fought much harder and more seriously those ten long years ago...
But i was uplifted in attending the Gift Center for the keynote speaker Dr. Cornell West, which was opened with a performance by Ricky Byers Beckwith. She must be one of the most soulful women of the 21st century... with lyrics that are so familiar and yet ancient, so enchanting and joyful, that they can't help but bring crowds into the light. I was entranced for several moments. Then came Dr. West, with his bright and dignified character. He grabbed hold of my heartstrings the moment he came on stage, because the look on his face just screamed: OBAMA!!!!!! He praised and surely he testified, yet in the end he said we should be wary and cautious of our next moves as a people. His evidence for this is the latest of Obama's chosen cabinet members, and the fact that it does matter whom one surrounds themselves with. Here, here! Yes, we must be vigilant if we want our voices to continue to raise above the rhetoric of the war mongers, the corporate lobbyists, and the political elite. Whew, we have lots of work to do!

On Sunday, i arrived bright and early to get there ahead of the massive crowd which would ensue, and to be on time to hear one of my all time favorite journalists, NPR's Amy Goodman, from Democracy Now. She began her tales with an beautiful bioptic of Obama's roots and the grass movement that took him to the White House; this led to her recanting the story of Mt. Misery, where "difficult" slaves were taken to be brutally broken by means of torture; Mt. Misery, it turns out is now owned proudly by none other than Donald Rumsfeld, she reports; Tied into this whole tale is her plea for us to be heard among our leaders in terms of not wanting our country to be perpetrating torture & to demand the closure of Guantanamo Bay. She then spoke about reporters being arrested at the NRC, and herself being rudely arrested for requesting that a journalist be released. Amy always is so good at reminding me that we are treading on very thin ice, our society is ready for something monumental, merely because we are at our wits end... and i love her for it! But she makes me cry every time..

After Amy was the Bay Area's own proud green warrior, Van Jones. He too praised the triumph and progress we made in electing Barack Obama, and also said we have alot of work yet to do, and statements yet to be made heard. But he did point out three initiatives to look at from Obama's campaign plan: cap & ban legislature to decrease carbon emmissions, infrastructure work on existing buildings and city plans, and ... oh now, i forget the third... but i think at that point i was already dreaming of a brighter tomorrow and a greener economy. He said the truth of the matter: that we will make money and create jobs simply by doing the right thing, right NOW. Ooh, he got me fired up like i knew he would!

So once again inside for "Asia" and music, this time playing was SeaSunz & Akosua... both thoroughly enjoyable hip hop & soulful lyrical accoustic. I made to just the right mix of musicality for me this year, so i was very pleased. Then i decided to shop...
Yes, that's right, i said it... after two whole days there, it is impossible not want something you see here, or maybe ten things... but nobody's counting.
Anyway, my top ten buys were:
One bottle of Olive Oil (from Plaestine) whose proceeds go to rebuild a bulldozed school in in the region;
One copper reusable water canister from the green dentist (;
One organic cotton T-shirt which will read "Buy Local" and has myself counted as a specified number in a total sum of people making a difference in the little things they do daily;
One bottle of "Napa VinJus" which tastes bitter & alittle tangy like a white wine but is only concentrated pure grape bliss;
Two peace dove pins handcarved from wood of trees from Palestine from a booth hoping to end the occupation;
A pair of the most comfortable colorful and rhythmic shoes this side of fairtrade Columbia from "Kuna prints" (;
Three bodycare products from a local organic supplier who told me his products were cheap ($6.99 for a decent sized bottle) because bodycare without crap in it SHOULD be affordable (Right on brother, now you're speaking my language!), his company is Griffin Remedy and it is some delightfully good stuff which he gave me a coupon to buy more of & it is made right here in SF (;
A 2 part steel container from "To-Go Ware" ( to cart leftovers and my lunch;
A medicinal tincture from Bear Wallow Herbs (;
and some handmade Peruvian incense that is delightfully pungent and fresh smelling which reminds me of the pine tree plantation three fields behind my home growing up after a really great thunderstorm. Get your own at!

I would have also bought a patch with the World Flag on it ( but they had only recently sold out so i just made do with a fine conversation and appreciating it from afar.
To say i bought more than all that would make me a clever American with purchasing power, taking the advice of my ultra consumer sister, who says the answer to our financial woes is to shop, SHOP, SHOP! Well... ahem... at least i did my part here this weekend, buying what i felt to be worthy, responsible, good natured & devoid of sacriledge. Who knows? Maybe we do save the world by shopping... i'm only concerned that we save it in the end.

More to come on the vendors and non-profits i spoke to at the Festival in Pt.2 of "The Greeniest".
Peace out.

Obama's Triumph; the whole world sighs...

This was a post from myspace, which was actually written by me the day after elections, but i forgot to copy to here... but since i am so into this duality of me,
here it is...

"When i am older and i look back on this year, what happened last night will be a defining moment in my life and the history of our nation. Though i was sitting in a normal bar usually patronized by the terminally cool spouting their regular diatribe of exhaustive exclusivism, by the nuerotically stoic who hang over their beers like woolen trenchcoats, by the depressed after work bunches regailing the gossip and the sadness of their dreary existence... what i saw was all the more astounding for the readiness and eagerness displayed by these less than attentive souls; i saw a room lit up by the light of change, a room so utterly devoid of morosity that it seemed to float on the subtlest of wind. These people were thrilled to the core! They were ready to believe again, to make such life moments sacred again, to hold a stranger's hand again, united in their common hope for peace and fluidity. In that room last night, i saw real magic happening.

But it was not just a spirit felt by the huddled mass at Mad Dog in the Fog. What took place there could be seen in the eyes of young and old, rich and poor, people of any color, background, and state. It was on the faces of every tv screen surrounding us, every person walking by on the street, driving by with the horns blowing and the cheers erupting; the face of a people massed and ready for a brighter day than any of the thousands previous. Their faces held the light just so because of one man, who was chosen to lead them, by the toil of their souls and the desire of their hearts.

This man walked onto the platform in front of a million others, who all shared the same look of light, and he accepted their challenge with the roar of a lion and the passion of a crusader, the intelligence of a sage and the thoughtful bravery of any a righteous warrior. This was the man they all had chosen because he spoke to them, at some given point, to each and every one of them...with his words, somehow, they felt a tug to toward trust & compassion. Through his words, at one point, they were uplifted and transformed. In his words, somewhere, they heard a distant prayer, a call to unify, a song that was yet to be sung.

Perhaps that song was the national anthem, or America the Beautiful, or some such... because, lord did we feel patriotic again! People,like myself, who once may have grunted and moaned over the slightest of reference to their own homeland's "greatness", now took to the streets bearing flags with the idea that had never once occured before: It felt good to be American! (The irony was not lost on us either, but rather brought to mention several times, and we cried, and we cried out...)

But this man...

whose ancestry lie near the cradle of humanity, & whose skin color vastly differed from those who took this march before him, & who made history by merely acheiving this victory; this man is not great for those things.

He is great because he made the room float, and the crowds alight, and the men & women cry, and the anarchists wave flags, and the hope in our hearts a reality, and because, most of all, he made the magic begin.

I will forever remember this day, November the 4th, 2008 as the day our future looked brighter... this day, when Barack Obama took the stage as the next President of the United States.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Eve Ensler's Fine Words

My fellow sisters of the world, these words may find you, and prehaps ring your bells... let them. Those bells need a ringin'

Eve Ensle​r,​ the Ameri​can playw​right​,​ perfo​rmer,​ femin​ist and activ​ist best known​ for 'The Vagin​a Monol​ogues​'​,​ wrote​ the follo​wing about​ Sarah​ Palin​.

Drill​,​ Drill​,​ Drill​
I am havin​g Sarah​ Palin​ night​mares​.​ I dream​t last night​ that she was a membe​r of a club where​ they rode snowm​obile​s and wore the claws​ of drown​ed and starv​ed polar​ bears​ aroun​d their​ necks​.​ I have a parti​cular​ thing​ for Polar​ Bears​.​ Maybe​ it's their​ snowy​ white​ness or their​ bigne​ss or the fact that they live in the arcti​c or that I have never​ seen one in perso​n or touch​ed one. Maybe​ it is the fact that they live so comfo​rtabl​y on ice. Whate​ver it is, I need the polar​ bears​.

I don'​t like ragin​g at women​.​ I am a Femin​ist and have spent​ my life tryin​g to build​ commu​nity,​ help empow​er women​ and stop viole​nce again​st them.​ It is hard to write​ about​ Sarah​ Palin​.​ This is why the Sarah​ Palin​ choic​e was all the more insid​ious and cynic​al.​ The peopl​e who made this choic​e count​ on the goodn​ess and solid​arity​ of Femin​ists.

But every​thing​ Sarah​ Palin​ belie​ves in and pract​ices is antit​hetic​al to Femin​ism which​ for me is part of one story​ -- conne​cted to savin​g the earth​,​ endin​g racis​m,​ empow​ering​ women​,​ givin​g young​ girls​ optio​ns,​ openi​ng our minds​,​ deepe​ning toler​ance,​ and endin​g viole​nce and war.

I belie​ve that the McCai​n/​Palin​ ticke​t is one of the most dange​rous choic​es of my lifet​ime,​ and shoul​d this count​ry chose​ those​ candi​dates​ the fall-​out may be so great​,​ the destr​uctio​n so vast in so many areas​ that Ameri​ca may never​ recov​er.​ But what is equal​ly distu​rbing​ is the impac​t that duo would​ have on the rest of the world​.​ Unfor​tunat​ely,​ this is not a joke.​ In my lifet​ime I have seen the clown​ish,​ the inept​,​ the bizar​re be elect​ed to the presi​dency​ with regul​arity​.

Sarah​ Palin​ does not belie​ve in evolu​tion.​ I take this as a metap​hor.​ In her world​ and the world​ of Funda​menta​lists​ nothi​ng chang​es or gets bette​r or evolv​es.​ She does not belie​ve in globa​l warmi​ng.​ The melti​ng of the arcti​c,​ the storm​s that are destr​oying​ our citie​s,​ the pollu​tion and rise of cance​rs,​ are all part of God'​s plan.​ She is fight​ing to take the polar​ bears​ off the endan​gered​ speci​es list.​ The earth​,​ in Palin​'​s view,​ is here to be taken​ and plund​ered.​ The wolve​s and the bears​ are here to be shot and plund​ered.​ The oil is here to be taken​ and plund​ered.​ Iraq is here to be taken​ and plund​ered.​ As she said herse​lf of the Iraqi​ war, 'It was a task from God.

Sarah​ Palin​ does not belie​ve in abort​ion.​ She does not belie​ve women​ who are raped​ and inces​ted and rippe​d open again​st their​ will shoul​d have a right​ to deter​mine wheth​er they have their​ rapis​t'​s baby or not.

She obvio​usly does not belie​ve in sex educa​tion or birth​ contr​ol.​ I imagi​ne her daugh​ter was pract​icing​ absti​nence​ and we know how many babie​s that makes​.

Sarah​ Palin​ does not much belie​ve in think​ing.​ From what I gathe​r she has tried​ to ban books​ from the libra​ry,​ has a tende​ncy to dispe​nse with peopl​e who think​ indep​enden​tly.​ She canno​t toler​ate an envir​onmen​t of ambig​uity and diffe​rence​.​ This is a woman​ who could​ and might​ very well be the next presi​dent of the Unite​d State​s.​ She would​ gover​n one of the most diver​se popul​ation​s on the earth​.

Sarah​ belie​ves in guns.​ She has her own custo​m Austr​ian hunti​ng rifle​.​ She has been known​ to kill 40 carib​ou at a clip.​ She has shot hundr​eds of wolve​s from the air.
Sarah​ belie​ves in God. That is of cours​e her right​,​ her priva​te right​.​ But when God and Guns come toget​her in the publi​c secto​r,​ when war is decla​red in God'​s name,​ when the right​s of women​ are denie​d in his name,​ that is the end of separ​ation​ of churc​h and state​ and the undoi​ng of every​thing​ Ameri​ca has ever tried​ to be.

I write​ to my siste​rs.​ I write​ becau​se I belie​ve we hold this elect​ion in our hands​.​ This vote is a vote that will deter​mine the futur​e not just of the U.​S.​,​ but of the plane​t.​ It will deter​mine wheth​er we creat​e polic​ies to save the earth​ or make it forev​er uninh​abita​ble for human​s.​ It will deter​mine wheth​er we move towar​ds dialo​gue and diplo​macy in the world​ or wheth​er we escal​ate viole​nce throu​gh invas​ion,​ under​minin​g and attac​k.​ It will deter​mine wheth​er we go for oil, strip​ minin​g,​ coal burni​ng or inves​t our money​ in alter​nativ​es that will free us from depen​dency​ and destr​uctio​n.​ It will deter​mine if money​ gets spent​ on educa​tion and healt​hcare​ or wheth​er we build​ more and more metho​ds of killi​ng.​ It will deter​mine wheth​er Ameri​ca is a free open toler​ant socie​ty or a close​d place​ of fear,​ funda​menta​lism and aggre​ssion​.

If the Polar​ Bears​ don'​t move you to go and do every​thing​ in your power​ to get Obama​ elect​ed then consi​der the chant​ that fille​d the hall after​ Palin​ spoke​ at the RNC, '​Drill​ Drill​ Drill​.​'​ I think​ of teeth​ when I think​ of drill​s.​ I think​ of rape.​ I think​ of destr​uctio​n.​ I think​ of domin​ation​.​ I think​ of milit​ary exerc​ises that force​ mindl​ess repet​ition​,​ empty​ing the brain​ of analy​sis,​ doubt​,​ ambig​uity or disse​nt.​ I think​ of pain.

Do we want a futur​e of drill​ing?​ More holes​ in the ozone​,​ in the floor​ of the sea, more holes​ in our think​ing,​ in the trust​ betwe​en natio​ns and peopl​es,​ more holes​ in the fabri​c of this preci​ous thing​ we call life?​"

Eve Ensle​r

Septe​mber 5, 2008

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Thirty Years and Counting

There is a force inside this tiny frame,
which whips and sways to the time of ancient minds, who,
turning thoughts round in unison,
dreamed of better worlds, safer shores,
warmer winters, cleaner waters,
wars unwaged, hearts unmangled..
who dreamed that one day their children would not have to fight
as hard as they did
just to live...

And Live they did.
They kept churning and yearning,
and the whole world bended round their strange thoughts,
which led them not to be more intuned to nature's workings, but less;
led them not to live as freely, but more ragged and oppressed by eaching passing day;
led them to be so numb to the defeat which crept in all around them that they forgot all about the longings which had brought them there.

And what of I?
This woman who now stares back at me...
the picture of the tiresome workings of the human mind,
the angry knot balled up to a fist, wondering how to become unclenched,
the one so burdened with the dreams of our predicessors, that i find it hard to remain in the present.
Three decades pass, as this woman rides the turbulent waters of climate change, too many lies being told, forgotten dreams, and faded lullabies... paddling upstream against the apathy, mental illness, ignorance, and greed of the masses, looking just to find a sandy knoll in which to plant a tiny seed of hope, love, and forgiveness; a little mound upon which to place a flag which reads "Come one and all, who still dream in their heart of better worlds, safer shores, warmer winters, cleaner waters, wars unwaged, hearts unmangled. Come with me to a brighter future, work with me to keep the dream alive!"
Yes.. what of I?
I am blessed to have found many such small knolls upon which to rest.
I am grateful for the precious few who bare the same flag i do.
I am ready still to believe, and
I am fine as one can be,
but Lord how i need more sleep!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

slip slide away

the city was brought to me, long before i was ready to come to it..

oh blast!
five weeks were waining and widdling their way on down to nothing,
and the rain came
and the fierce winds
one monday in the Grace Garden,
i curled myself into three tight balls,
while i kept on thinning and tucking and propping up and tearing down,
and the buckets of water washed over me, through me.
then came david's technique of saying,
"i'm so warm, and the sun is soooooo hot today."
over and over, while standing still and breath,
face up to the downpour...
this actually works for a while.
i look up to see a break in the clouds
down to gather the energy of the earth into me

i'm getting itchy because
i know the end is near
there is so much to be done still
i'm not sure if i can leave...
but twilight beckons every day forword
and people start asking me,
"so when do you go back to work?"
and then it hits me hard.
i can't breath from the sheer weight of those words

i am drowning

drowning in the salt pool behind the cabana
drowning in the water thats emerges every day on the hottub cover
drowning from the words stuck in my throat before goodbyes
drowning at Baby Beach, and Little Beach, and the waterfall pool's edge
where the baby fishes swarm hungrily around my feet

drowning at the bonfire in the rain
a last hoorah that lasted only moments
drowning in memories and fruit
freshly fallen and dripping down my chin
drowning in long sweaty walks, jackfruit tree sap,
sunday brunch coffee
until only a day or so remained

and then
the city came to me
it called out from the driveway
across the footbridge on our little lagoon
came bearing beer, chips, and glassed in salsa
came ripping and roaring into my peace of mind
to remind me of where i was headed.

the jungle raged on with its calm,
but a spell broke over me,
and everything snowballed from there until

after every good deed was appreciated
every heart was held in my hands for at least one moment more
every precious hug could be gathered
from every well wisher's arms
every tiny private twinkling could be seen in
every countryman & woman's eyes
every smoothy filled morning could be eked out
after every demon had been expelled
and every lung-filled breath could be taken
of all the glorious scents which abound there

only then could i pack my belongings
linger in my farming family's precense just long enough for them to sense that i was really there
tell princess i liked her afterall
deliver all my undelivered mail
jump in the white kinght's truck
and ride off into the sunset
slip sliding away to the gray reality of my world

i took the redeye to los angeles
where the darkness still reigned and the air smelled of exhuast fumes and ignorance
of a life better spent
then on to Oak-town
where Tarek awaited with hands held wide

the lei that Mohini gave to me still sang its blessing lullaby in my ear
and i tried to smell still
the farm in the forest lava jungle of my dreams
where i lived bare-footed and proud
unbeleivably alive and assured
of the good in the world

the dirt rooted deep in my heels
reminds me of my destiny
even though for now
they will not see the light of day

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

in the jungle

in the jungle
we sing songs to the earth through our hands
we make time an imaginary quest of faith
we dedicate our hearts and minds to knowledge & fortitude
in the jungle the very ground we walk on & cultivate is sacred

in the jungle
children and adults run naked on the hillside
dance to the beat of their own mysric drummer
walk with their heads high and their faces beaming
in the jungle the beast of our burdens is laid to rest

in the jungle
we impart voices to our inner wondering's prayer of eternal question
we don't deny the right of other souls searching along our path
we live most for this moment and sometimes, alittle, for the next
in the jungle we have the ability to see ourselves for the first time

in the jungle
the wild chickens are calling.. at the sunrise, the sunset, and oh
is it midnight already?
the dogs aren't all friendly but you call still see their tails wagging, just a bit
the toads tempt fate by bravely standing just in front of your falling feet
in the jungle there really are mermaids

in the jungle
our work is our prayer
our food our salvation
our manifestation, reality
in the jungle there is no other word than bliss

in the jungle
we watch the days pass like weeks
if you blink, the weeks are gone
and all you have left is luscious memory
in the jungle you can get lost in the labrynth of time

in the jungle
my name changed over night
in a carride with the cia
and i have swam with shiva
in the jungle you never know who'll you meet

in the jungle
there is not a guidebook, but you will have many guides
there is not always a toilet, or a computer, a camera, your identification, a pair of shoes, or a television... but do you really need them anyway?
in the jungle,
the whole earth is your playground,
your temple,
your lover,
your friend...
the earth is your provider, your convenience store, your earth, your neighbor, your community...
in the jungle
you have all you need.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

no pictures, cuz the universe stole my camera & gave me the moon in return

Hale Akua's Door of Faith

coming to Hale Akua in total darkness is a surreal trip
the little red van chug chugs on the Hana highway
from Kahului past Pai'a

Past the famous Jaws just out from Ho'okipa
where surfers, swimmers, windriders and paddlers all delight to the random planning of the tides

Past the artificially lit cemetary which has only bunches of flowers sprouting from a green/brown lawnscape

Past the turnoff to Makawao, a little town up toward Haleakala the mouth of a dormant (?) volcano which can alternately feel like the moon, or antarctica, or the Peruvian Andes, outer Mongolia, or the road to Mordor...

Past twin falls, a "private keep out!" property where no one keeps out, with two swimmin holes formed at the bottom of a nice waterfall in a not drought year, which this isn't, whereyou can still jump from rocks or off the giant rope swing off the roots of a mamouth Banyon tree, into a fairly clear and mild mountain water pool...

Past the electrical box with a sunrise, or is it sunset?, painted as graffiti decor. Past too the graffiti'd eletrical shed on a mini cow pasture above the sea, with some crazy goblin theme..

Past the forest green bus stop, where no bus will ever come, turning left onto the Door of Faith road to pass a mile or so of odd little houses and a few churches, some backwoods downhome boys, their dogs and shenanigans, the beginning of the jungle, and "AG" land that makes my heart sing...

Turning right where it says "Quiet Please! Children!" into the drives by the Ohana and Grace and Oloha gardens..

Into the House of the Divine... as in Goddess.. as in Tantric.. as in mystical.. as in sacred space..

For those who can't follow, trust me, the pied piper lives there, with the doves, and the owls, the spiders, and the croaking toads... He can show you the way, but you must have no fear.

At first, perhaps i did not believe in the magic i was about to encounter: Maui's perceptive force, and the power of collective thought, homegrown food, quantitaive reasoning , and boldfaced intuition, in a community of souls combined and trusting and willing and open...
Where you can say it, think it, and how it surely will manifest..
Where you breath your belly fire into it, and how Dear GOD! the coals spark to life...
Were everything which falls from heaven is a joyful & sensual experience, given to you, blessing you with its warmth, its radiance, and its lifeforce.
Is life really this perfect?

Well no, in fact there are aspects to this place that smack of ignorance and hatred, desperation & greed, poverty & polarization... and yet,
perhaps because we are here, we are sheltered by love & appreciation.
because we are here, we have the cushion of the sea and the grounding force of the lava rock & rich clay soil. because we are here, we are buffered by the light, goodness, truth, and lessons which are so grand and so empowering that we may only be able to bow our heads for the sake of such Grace.
One of my favorite moments so far was arriving here in the darkness, and stumbling into the light. Three weeks in, i have lost many tangible things, but i have gained so much more:
Sunset swimming on Little Beach with the drum circle pounding to the firedancer's prose.
Bonfires with fireworks, fairy tales, shooting stars, full moon monsoons, and three grilled whole fish from paradise with Tiawanese concubines & my Zibbook.

Hidden beaches, jumping rocks, green sea turtles, black rock, red sands, green canopies, mountain tundra fog, dragonfruit, lili'qoi, fresh basil pesto, borage flowers, strawberry gauva, the drunken mango forest, kangaroo mice in the compost, and a million other tiny little nuances that give this place the wonder and beauty it is known for.
i am a farmer again.
i am a daughter of this universe.
i am a worshiper of God's majesty.
i am a beloved wife(for sure now,thank's to Maui's magic)
i am strong and committed and utterly devoted
to life, to love, to spirit.
To Maui.
To me.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Semi-finished work of last semester

Greed got me feeling indestructible,
Oli would smirk that the Kiln god's weren't smiling that day
and yet all involved deemed it blessing anyway...
my broken hand lies now amidst the shrapnel
of an exploded spire by my neighboring colleague.
thus i learned how letting go matters
and to see beauty in such frailty.
a lesson. as is this piece's reason to be..

my musty friend sits idly by near the fireplace floor,
still awaiting the day i muster my strength to grind down those antlers
and give him a fit..
but he is cute in his velvety purple and stunted sort of way.
The glazing was exquisite, so who could ask for more?

and oh day of days, Raku Day!
it is the immediacy and utter faith
involved in such an undertaking that makes one's heart race and mouth water..
to get just one gem out of the quick fire
and shock spray after combustion,
well that's what dreams are made of.
white marshmellow doggy bowl dreams too.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

yosemighty 2

this one worked wonders
deep down in the heart of soul
water winding & caressing
the bits of whirlwind girl
i found lounging in
mountain fed pools
fit for sliding and dousing
with the sun to wash away the chill
then to chill with the tops down
all around nature triumphing
man's bitter greed & assumption
that we are the best, the strongest,
most powerfull owner and usurper of
nature's mysteries

trees spilled high to the heavens
our gaze ever upward toward towering canopies
of light and photosynthetic beauty
this is what trees are meant to be,
giants sopped in snowmelt moisture
dwarfing our itty bitty selves to the point of hilarity

gained new perspectives on seeing the natural world
developed into blooming chasms of metamorphic possibilities
thanks to ishmael & the story of be,
and my creeping urges to become part of wildlife again

knowing i must walk the line between this reality and that surreal history of mankind
must stay focused on the present and not fixate on the lost past
but in this vivid forest of water, rock, and life
as the river rushes by me
i find peace unfound before

Sunday, May 04, 2008

time for change


cyclical, and ever rolling... life runs forward and falls back, folds over and lies still only enough to catch my breath.
it's playing catch up all the time, and whining while i get in line for another slap.
but then whilst i'm standing i look down to the earth, and plead, "earth, ground me and let me feel the pulse of the planet's inner workings!" I look up to the heavens and think, "God lift me up! Let the universe embrace one scrap of my integrity and keep it whole somewhere safe and sound!"
Then i look out from a a cash register and steady myself while i don one more illedged smile and waste just a little more of my precious time.
The mirror only shows me things i hope to forget, and once in a great while the shadow of that girl i used to know... or thought i did.
My plants are hating me, as they should be.. for my lack of compassion and my lost agendas.
I can only laugh and dream some more of a return to what fills me up and keeps me sane. A natural world in which i can easily lead the life which could have always been mine, if not for my sheer lack of conviction and fear of falling without the net.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Bodega bay travel
for spring break respite
out of city
into higher minded retreat
bleeding out the whole time
all my worries and woes
feeling refreshed for the love of nature and
my many feathered friends
who fly above and around me
keep me from feeling ever alone

and my longtime lover silently sympathizing
with my need to fill ecology's notebook
with every speck of god's great work i could find
document, document, document...
and never lose the need to wonder at the earth's many mysteries and magic moments.

Hwy 1 brought us back to reality slowly, through winding hills,
pastures filled with all the flock, sheepies, llamas, bovines, & horsies
wetlands, sea lions close enough to swim to, and outstanding seaside driving...
The reason to live in California, as far as i am concerned.

(We ate fresh caught crab stuffed into a melodious mushroom's cap,
WILD fennel salad which the chef found whilst jogging, local little lamb, and seafood cioppino to die for.... in all, delightful and filled to the brim with thoughful fare... kudos to the Duck Club!
Kudos too, to the whole crew at the Bodega Bay Resort & Spa, who upgraded our lowly selves to the best king suite, complete with view that knocked us off our feet. Cheers!)

Monday, March 10, 2008

Nearly over the edge in terms of mind capacity and life availability,
Head filled up with tons of numbers
terms for every natural phenom under our sun
thoughts about how our species developed and why, while trying to envision my zibbook listening or opening to even the mention of such thoughts, i laugh
i contemplate gender roles, and marrital squabbles
dream of many winding rooms, and pools filled with underwater monsters, where my brother's head lies upon my loving lap for safety
wake to remember how little ones can admire, how big ones can soon forget
a lifetime of whatifs mounting my various orifices and seizing up my heart,wrenching me free from my everyday, throwing me out into the oblivion of soon to comes, maybes
Unbelieving that anything can save me from myself...
i am spoiled, but still so weak
i am progressing, but still so mired in management & social mores
i have my hands steeped in clay and caresses,
my feet flop limp and unromantic while they waltz,
my moosehead seems washed and craven for the antlers i have ungainly made.