yosemighty 2

this one worked wonders
deep down in the heart of soul
water winding & caressing
the bits of whirlwind girl
i found lounging in
mountain fed pools
fit for sliding and dousing
with the sun to wash away the chill
then to chill with the tops down
all around nature triumphing
man's bitter greed & assumption
that we are the best, the strongest,
most powerfull owner and usurper of
nature's mysteries


trees spilled high to the heavens
our gaze ever upward toward towering canopies
of light and photosynthetic beauty
this is what trees are meant to be,
giants sopped in snowmelt moisture
dwarfing our itty bitty selves to the point of hilarity

gained new perspectives on seeing the natural world
developed into blooming chasms of metamorphic possibilities
thanks to ishmael & the story of be,
and my creeping urges to become part of wildlife again

knowing i must walk the line between this reality and that surreal history of mankind
must stay focused on the present and not fixate on the lost past
but in this vivid forest of water, rock, and life
as the river rushes by me
i find peace unfound before

time for change

always.

cyclical, and ever rolling... life runs forward and falls back, folds over and lies still only enough to catch my breath.
it's playing catch up all the time, and whining while i get in line for another slap.
but then whilst i'm standing i look down to the earth, and plead, "earth, ground me and let me feel the pulse of the planet's inner workings!" I look up to the heavens and think, "God lift me up! Let the universe embrace one scrap of my integrity and keep it whole somewhere safe and sound!"
Then i look out from a a cash register and steady myself while i don one more illedged smile and waste just a little more of my precious time.
The mirror only shows me things i hope to forget, and once in a great while the shadow of that girl i used to know... or thought i did.
My plants are hating me, as they should be.. for my lack of compassion and my lost agendas.
I can only laugh and dream some more of a return to what fills me up and keeps me sane. A natural world in which i can easily lead the life which could have always been mine, if not for my sheer lack of conviction and fear of falling without the net.

BODEGA

Bodega bay travel
for spring break respite
out of city
into higher minded retreat
bleeding out the whole time
all my worries and woes
feeling refreshed for the love of nature and
my many feathered friends
who fly above and around me
keep me from feeling ever alone

and my longtime lover silently sympathizing
with my need to fill ecology's notebook
with every speck of god's great work i could find
document, document, document...
and never lose the need to wonder at the earth's many mysteries and magic moments.

Hwy 1 brought us back to reality slowly, through winding hills,
pastures filled with all the flock, sheepies, llamas, bovines, & horsies
wetlands, sea lions close enough to swim to, and outstanding seaside driving...
The reason to live in California, as far as i am concerned.

(We ate fresh caught crab stuffed into a melodious mushroom's cap,
WILD fennel salad which the chef found whilst jogging, local little lamb, and seafood cioppino to die for.... in all, delightful and filled to the brim with thoughful fare... kudos to the Duck Club!
Kudos too, to the whole crew at the Bodega Bay Resort & Spa, who upgraded our lowly selves to the best king suite, complete with view that knocked us off our feet. Cheers!)

Nearly over the edge in terms of mind capacity and life availability,
Head filled up with tons of numbers
terms for every natural phenom under our sun
thoughts about how our species developed and why, while trying to envision my zibbook listening or opening to even the mention of such thoughts, i laugh
i contemplate gender roles, and marrital squabbles
dream of many winding rooms, and pools filled with underwater monsters, where my brother's head lies upon my loving lap for safety
wake to remember how little ones can admire, how big ones can soon forget
a lifetime of whatifs mounting my various orifices and seizing up my heart,wrenching me free from my everyday, throwing me out into the oblivion of soon to comes, maybes
Unbelieving that anything can save me from myself...
i am spoiled, but still so weak
i am progressing, but still so mired in management & social mores
i have my hands steeped in clay and caresses,
my feet flop limp and unromantic while they waltz,
my moosehead seems washed and craven for the antlers i have ungainly made.

green dreams

if there were only some way to have every single day be a green festival day,
my soul might finally quiet
my conscience may finally be free of the guilt of being a human consumption machine
i might actually wake up and be happy to be a part of humanity...
but the green festival does not happen every day,
it only comes but one weekend each November,
and this year it came this past weekend to San Francisco.
Thankfully,and not a moment too soon, it came...
with all the bells and whistles of last year's event:
great speakers, hundreds of freebies handed out from socially & environmentally conscious companies, too numerous to mention, so many ways to spend your money for a good cause, fill your belly with uber healthy and fine foods, and give your mind and body the boost it needs to make it through yet another ugly consumer holiday season.
Everyone, and their grandparents, children, friends, and dogs(um, scratch that, no dogs, unless you are blind) should all make it a point to not miss out on next year's event... and to show up early, preferably Friday or Saturday, before the place becomes uncomfortably mob-scenish, yet another quality of our sometimes trying society.
The following are s few of my favorites from this year's event:

Care2.com - they gave out tons of free all natural lip balm, tote bags, and healthy green solutions for cleansing your body and home. Check them out online!

Trees for the Future; PLANT-TREES.ORG - Helping to reinstate trees in clearcut communities, underprivalged nations.

Planet Green _ A spinoff of the discovery channel who gave out so many green totes to every passerby. The number one question i got was where they handed out those neat green bags. Look for this channel on cable next year.

Brighterplanet.com - They are bringing out a green credit card to help offset carbon with your buying power.

Farm Fresh to You; farmfreshtoyou.com - I knew about these people before, but decided to finally go for it: Organic produce delivered in various box sizes directly from the farm where it is grown and harvested! A small box is about $20, and comes with seasonal goodness at your chosen timespan. All the volunteers for them were amazingly sweet and happy, an obvious side effect of working naturally with the land.

Mynaturals.com - An online source for thousands of natural and organic products, healthy living resources, green credits earning, with a distributor and cooperative program. They gave away online discount vouchers and a handful of fun samples. Thanks guys!

Green City Calendar; planetdrum.org - A website to find green events and volunteer opportunities in the city.

Eco Citizen; ecocitizenonline.com - Local made and organic clothing right here in SF.

mrelliepooh.com - A maker of elephant dung paper as a way to stop deforestation and use available resources that also embrace yet another use for the majestic elephant.

Regenerative Design Institute; regenerativedesign.org - This is a "non-profit educational organization that envisions a world where people, inspired by nature, create and maintain healthy livelihoods to enhance fertility and biodiversity on the planet." I will make this happen next year... i will go to this institute.. someway, somehow.

Reware; rewarestore.com - A solar powered bag in various styles to charge any device anywhere in the world. They also have a strap on solar charger that can be put on other bags you already have. Very smart technology... still a bit pricey at $100-200+

Solio - Another solar charging device that is hand held, folds to the size of a large cell phone, and can charge anything as well. This is a smaller cheaper alternative, at $95, and is a bit more compact. I am curious to see how it works for Ambi & Fabi, my friends who bought one for their very own. I am not yet convinced.

Villagegreen.com - Pay these people a small amount to convert where your particular energy comes from. I am now about to get a certificate stating where i get my power, and the bill still comes from PG&E, cuz it is their lines, but the power is all alternative.

Manos De Madres, Manosdemadres.org - The woman of Honduras collect used bags and wrappers to craft wonderfully bright and sturdy little pouches and bags distributed by Manos de Madres, it is administered by Cofeacoma in Comayagua. These a great support to the woman and families there, as well as a feel good product.

World of Good; .org or .com - A fair Trade resource having their once a year warehouse sale on 12/01 & 12/02 @ 6315 Doyle St in Emeryville. CHeck them out online too!

Jennyhurth.com - Jenny gets used trade show banners and other vinyl marketing which would otherwise end up in landfill, and creates cool bags, folders, and hampers. There were others like her, but i didn't get much of their info to give out. Bravo for ingenuity and design!!

For the other companies who are still my favorites, which i found last year and some of who remained this year as well, check out my archived blog "Greener Than This" from Green Fest 2006 in SF. I didn't get to hear as many speakers as i wanted to this year, but did break down to tears when i listened to Amy Goodman's passionate speach about what is so wrong right now, big oil, bad men, and the poor state of our democracy, but felt empowered when she reminded us yet again of the power in numbers.
I did, however, have the priviledge of volunteering this year, and enjoyed an evening handing back coats to an inspirational throng of green-goers on Saturday night. For Sunday i decided to stay behind with the green team to sort our many bins of compostables for any waylaid garbage or recycling that didn't belong there. It was yucky and stinky, but felt oh so fullfilling.
There is humbling at the green festival.
There is therapy.
There is renewal.
There is hope.
There is even the sound of so many hearts beating to one primal rythmic drum, which can never be taken from within us, can never be quieted.

constant

nothing is constant but change
nothing is constant but change
nothing is constant but change

..this, the constånt refrain,
set to melodies of
ecstacy or suffering,
darkness and light...
the stage of life unfolds eternally,
with us the minor players,
whom take our grace from god
searching out the wrong from right,

and who sometimes forget
that ours alone is not all there is;
we shrink from our own needs and infatuations,
are sometimes so desperate
that we are no longer appealing
to our own higer mind;
too afraid to speak
at the top of our own voices;
too attached to see the glory
of merely being
alive.

controling the uncontrolled

Burning brighter days now
where i sit and sift the sad sands of time
through my ever-increasing sense of self,
whilst i watch the people passing me by
and turn to hear their distant comments on the air
..so aware..
and so in dispair,
for this inability to change into the one
to ease all others pain,
to find myself in love again,
to be a better self-less soul,
to have a code of honor which i can rightly live by,
but which is of all things my own..

I am standing on the brink of thirty,
looking at ten years into which my deepest fears have shown
the vast emptiness which lies within me,
whenever my mind tries too hard to wonder why,
and whenever i cannot master the yearnings of my foolish body,
which takes too much pleasure in the passions of my youth;
and whenever too i turn to find my soulmate,
and can only watch as he eludes my every step,
is just out of reach
or is simply wearing a mask that i cannot see beyond.
But i myself can never wear this mask, i have been reminded,
i myself can only wear my heart and my severity,
to cold light of day which greets me,
and beckons me forth on this journey,
wearing the most transparent sense of self i can muster,
and ready for almost anything, as i have never once been dissappointed...